Weddingatrocities's Blog

Archive for September 2010

Ahh the wedding cake, it’s one of the main memories your guests will take away from your wedding. These wedding cakes, might be memorable, but for all the wrong reasons.

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Beer Can Confederate Flag Cake:
Hostess Product Cake:
Mudding Cake:
Snuff Cake:


“I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy. Come on, Squishy Come on, little Squishy.”

“Ow. Bad Squishy, bad Squishy.”

Is there really any need for me to elaborate on this one? No, didn’t think so.

Quote- Dory in “Finding Nemo” by Disney/Pixar, 2003
Ridiculous Coral Reef vest and tie:

Um…I don’t even know if this pic is safe for work. There is nothing wrong with a little bit of cleavage on your wedding day, but this is ridiculous. I have no doubt that the only thing remembered from this wedding was how the bride chose to present her boobs and thus overshadowing every other moment of the day. Her groom can barely look at her.

This tuxedo is an homage to the King of Fried Chicken, Colonel Sanders. This is what the colonel serves up on fancy occasions. Keeping the trademark string tie, the Colonel kicks it up a notch with a royal blue jacquard jacket reminiscent of the bygone smoking jacket. When your brides walks down that aisle and here eyes begin to tear up, trust me, she isn’t overwhelmed with emotion at how handsome you look in this monstrosity. It’s because the site of you reminds her that the rest of your lives she will be haunted by the image of this ridiculousness every time she thumbs through your wedding album.

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Here we go…Shock and Awe…a full frontal in your face of some of the most hideous cakes I’ve come across (l to r)-

When Dead Heads Get Married:  Please live in the now.  It’s no longer 1968 and Jerry Garcia is dead.

Eat the Bride:  Okay, I’m not even going to go there with the blatantly obvious innuendo.  Take a gander at the look on the groom’s face.  Clearly he is crying for help.

Severed Appendages, Dripping Blood, and Ripped Out Eyeballs:  Really?  In what universe is this an appropriate way to celebrate eternal love?

Eat the Bride- Hardcore Version:  This bride is not content to have a cake replica of herself.   She one ups the Eat the Bride cake and becomes the cake.

Beached Chocolate Dolphin:  What says love, matrimony and all of that good stuff more than dead beached dolphins thrown haphazardly on a cake?

Giger Weenie Cake:  Okay, this is just self explanatory.  While the cake is pretty cool, it’s the alien weenie topper that makes this an atrocity.

1985 Called, They Want Your Cake Back:  Wow, feathers flowers, and other doodads…all that’s missing are the plastic columns and a fountain.

Cake Masterpieces
Birch Bark- Jacques Pastries
Peacock- Ron Ben-Israel
Golden Shoe- Margaret Braun
Hat Box- Christopher Garren
Purple Flowers- Ron Ben-Israel
Chinese Pagoda- Rosebud Cakes
Art Deco- CakeStar
Green Pillows- Just Fab

Weddings are a time of celebration, the joining of families, and some seriously atrocious stuff.  This is a journal that will be scouring the universe for crimes against the rite of passage we call “wedding.”  Here is our first atrocity (I’ll start off mild to break you in slowly):

The Denim Wedding Dress

Um…wow…this is just wow.  Not only is it denim, but they managed to embroider it as well.  They added white gloves and a birdcage veil in hopes that you won’t notice the awfulness that is this dress.  Denim?  Really?  You are making a conscious choice to wear this monstrosity on the most important day of your life?  Wow…just wow.

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